So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
