I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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