the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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