my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
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classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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