he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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