I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
