I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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