.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
