she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
honey bunches of taint.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
