We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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