We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize