On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
