I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
