no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
