I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have demons in me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm really busy with my period
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