4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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