omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
