was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
