Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
