sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
