What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Your cock deserves a montage
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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