Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
