I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
whose ass print is on the piano?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
