So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
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I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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