Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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