Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
