Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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