I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
