It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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