I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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