and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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