what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
