My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
