Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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