I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
