a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
