I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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