i need an iv and a liver transplant
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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