I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
