I'm jealous of your bromance
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
