she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
