My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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