1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
