Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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