that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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