Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
