Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
