He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
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I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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