If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
