And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize