Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
