Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
