You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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