Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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