We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
