trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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