I want to make a zoo with you.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
