so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
