i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
even my farts smell like vagina
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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