nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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