Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
