Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
