turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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